Tag Archives: plurality

One of my former friends used to support me, comfort me when I was down over people harassing me for my F/O, but when they turned their back on me they said I was problematic for loving my F/O, and “forcing them” to do these things for me… Like, manipulating them into comforting and indulging me. I still fear that this is actually what I did without realizing it.

Anon, the advice I give you depends strongly on an important factor.

Are your F/Os system members, soulbonds, or other real, people with agency of their own that you share your internal experience with in some way?

or are they just fictional characters that you write about and enjoy and play pretend with?

Because if they’re just fictional characters then it is impossible to manipulate them in any meaningful way. It’s like saying you’re manipulating a doll or a teddy bear. It’s ridiculous. There’s no need for you to feel guilty about any of it, because there is no real person for you to harm. Full stop. You’re fine.

If they’re system members, or other internal people with agency then it could be possible that you have been manipulative, or that your actions have caused harm.

Here’s what you should do if your F/O is a real internal person with agency that you worry you have been manipulating.

The same thing you’d do with any other partner you worried that you had caused harm to.

Talk to them about your feelings.

Communicate with them.

Ask them what they want, and if they feel harmed.

And if they do feel harmed, apologize, and ask them how you would like to proceed in the future.

a bit ago you got a (different) anon that was asking about the intersection between plurality and f/os, and you mentioned that the strong connection self-shipping can bring can form/summon (depending on your experience i guess) system members. we had this happen to us recently and honestly i don’t even know if there’s a point to this message i just like… got so excited seeing someone talk about this and say “yeah this is a thing that can happen.”it’s totally new territory for me (we have some fictives sure but he feels like… a different type of fictive i have no idea how to explain it) and i’ve never seen anyone talk about it, maybe because there isn’t a lot of intersection between the two communities, i dunno i’m not super connected so i could be wrong or just not looking in the right spaces but.we’ve basically been navigating blind which has been working but that doesn’t make the experience any less “lonely” i guess when you’ve never heard of it happening before yanno. and i’m also struggling with a weird amount of guilt around it— a lot of overwhelming feelings both positive and negative. i won’t go into detail because i don’t want to feelingsdump in your guys’ ask box lol, but… yeah.sorry i don’t even know what i was trying to convey here, feel free to ignore this, just seeing that ask made me do the metal gear solid “!” thing LOL.

Anon, we are so glad to meet you, an so glad our posts resonated with you!

This part in your message stood out to me

we have some fictives sure but he feels like… a different type of fictive i have no idea how to explain it)

I think you should check out some posts over at our (very out of date) blog @soulbonder and see if some of the experiences talked about over there resonate with you.

Please feel free to put anything you like in our inbox if you want to talk more about your experiences.

Hi, uh. I tend to be neutral to pro in the ~shipscourse~ but there is one ship that I am very aggressively against because it involves me and someone who harmed me in my source (I’m a fictive with memories). I will complain about and insult the ship in private with friends but I have never posted anything outwardly hateful about it to anyone who does ship it. Still, I cannot help but feel negatively toward those who do ship this pairing and think badly of them because of it. I really hope this doesn’t make me a hypocrite.

I don’t think that makes you a hypocrite, anon.

People, all people, are allowed to have ships they don’t like. You’re allowed to complain about it an insult it in private.

As long as you’re not being outwardly hostile to the people who ship it, you’re not doing anything wrong.

We’re in the same boat as you are. There are people who have hurt us in our kin lives that we just can’t forgive or accept. We don’t like to see art or fic of them. It makes us a little ill.

Remember, its not what you think about people that matters, its about your actions.

All the judgemental and nasty thoughts in the world won’t hurt a person until you actually directly act on them.

Do you have…angry alters? I guess protective or maybe aggressive? Alters who won’t tolerate anyone’s shit and get physical fast.I do. And everytime there’s conflict that we both know could be solved by intimidating the other guy, she just…won’t quit. It’s a constant struggle between trying to make sure they know I’m not gonna be bossed around and trying to keep her from literally beating the shit out of them. She definitely arose from a need to be “strong” in my abusive family but I know I can’t do that to people. And it gets really stressful whether she does or doesn’t win, because there’s sense of failure either way.

We don’t have any alters, anon, but we do have angry system members. I’m one of them.

Anger is like fire.

When fire is controlled, we can use it constructively.

We cook our food with it, warm our houses with it, ward away danger with it.

When fire is uncontrolled, it is dangerous, and consuming.

It burns food to ash, it destroys our home and our property, it hurts us and the people close to us.

Anger is not bad.

Fire is not bad.

It’s okay to be angry. It’s best when you can channel that anger.

Use your anger constructively. Don’t let it escape you, destroy things, and hurt people.

I think this advice applies equally to plurals and to singlets.

Love seeing “chronically online” type syscourse people get into college and actually MEET a variety of people lmao. Saw someone freaking out about someone in a college class of theirs being endo and they were like “I forgot they existed in real life”. Huh! Really! Crazy how the people you’ve attacked and fakeclaimed online were actually… Living people? In the real world? Wild, huh?

I hope that realization sticks with you.

systems, multiples, plurals, etc. – you’re allowed to just experience yourselves. you don’t need other people to agree whatever you’re experiencing is real – it’s real just by you experiencing it. you can trust yourself. it’s okay, i promise <3

Incomplete list of things that should not substantially talk back, and if they do, you should look into multiplicity or plurality:-genders-Characters, especially if they talk about things you don’t know about, double especially if future updates to their source confirm their statements-Roleplay personas and OCs-personality variations, like BPD personality variations-internal models of objects-Gods, demons, spirits, & similar, at least beyond normal godphoning and signs (Note: if they’re malicious or ask bad things of you talk to a professional, plural or not, that’s a bad sign)-Past versions of yourself-Past lives/kintypes-Other versions of yourself in general-Spirits of lost pets-Past a certain point of sentience, that’s not your conscience-Internal versions of other peopleThe lines for most of these are “If it starts regularly commenting and providing opinions on your daily life and/or if they start getting pushy to the point of affecting your actions”, and really it’s a matter of “does this seem sentient?” in most cases.

sophieinwonderland:

👆

All of this. 😁

You know what’s funny? When I see something like “This character hates proshitters” and I just. My headmate (who is that person) goes “when the fuck did I say that?”

Right? It’s just like [citation needed.]

Do you guys get angry if a different alter eats the food you made? /light-hearted What about other things, like drinks or movies or games?
– 🍉💌

Sometimes we will play a teasing game of it, actually! And also we do like cooking for each other. There’s a few system members who are just abysmal cooks to the rest of us, so when they’re around someone else will usually switch in or confront to make the food.

🌀😎 and 🕷️😎 are both notorious for ruining food– last time 🕷️😎 tried to make rice without a rice cooker it was somehow both overcooked and undercooked at the same time. And don’t even get me started on 🌀😎’s “spaghetti and scrambled eggs.”

More often when people get annoyed it’s when someone switches out in the middle of eating something that the person switching in doesn’t like. ❄️💪 loves mountain dew and 😼🔪 and a lot of the rest of us hate it which has been a problem before 🤣🤣🤣

abadbutsadhedgehog:

What is a system for, if not someone making food for themselves and then you switching in and eating it?