Tag Archives: endo safe

Do you have…angry alters? I guess protective or maybe aggressive? Alters who won’t tolerate anyone’s shit and get physical fast.I do. And everytime there’s conflict that we both know could be solved by intimidating the other guy, she just…won’t quit. It’s a constant struggle between trying to make sure they know I’m not gonna be bossed around and trying to keep her from literally beating the shit out of them. She definitely arose from a need to be “strong” in my abusive family but I know I can’t do that to people. And it gets really stressful whether she does or doesn’t win, because there’s sense of failure either way.

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We don’t have any alters, anon, but we do have angry system members. I’m one of them.

Anger is like fire.

When fire is controlled, we can use it constructively.

We cook our food with it, warm our houses with it, ward away danger with it.

When fire is uncontrolled, it is dangerous, and consuming.

It burns food to ash, it destroys our home and our property, it hurts us and the people close to us.

Anger is not bad.

Fire is not bad.

It’s okay to be angry. It’s best when you can channel that anger.

Use your anger constructively. Don’t let it escape you, destroy things, and hurt people.

I think this advice applies equally to plurals and to singlets.

What do you mean “clinical”? Do you mean it’s language used by diagnosed DID systems, or is it like transmeds who use weird language to gatekeep who’s “really” trans?I keep hearing voices sometimes. I’m really excited to think I might actually have people up here in my head, but even that feels shameful because I’ve always heard “You shouldn’t want this, it’s hellish. You’re fucked up for wanting to have a system. You’re erasing the trauma it’s given me.”I…don’t feel singular. I never have. I’ve never felt like I’m just me. I’ve always felt people behind me, hand on my shoulder, someone taking my hand. Someone holding me when I desperately, desperately needed someone I could trust to not abandon me the way everyone else had. Facets, I called them. Masks, even though they felt so, so different to myself.But because I can’t find them, because it’s strange and vague feelings here and there, it feels…wrong to be excited? Wrong to be happy or to finally feel like things make sense. Like I’m still not allowed somewhere that might give me answers.
– 🍉💌

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What do you mean “clinical”? Do you mean it’s language used by diagnosed DID systems, or is it like transmeds who use weird language to gatekeep who’s “really” trans?

Both. It is language that is generally only used by plurals who understand themselves using the clinical model; and additionally system gatekeepers, sometimes calles sysmeds, police the language that they think people are allowed to use.

I want to assure you, plurality is not always suffering, just as existing as a singlet is not always suffering.

Do not let shame and fear stop you from pursuing knowledge, or the truth about yourself.

If you’re looking for support, and feeling like you don’t belong, try looking for these terms: endogenic plurality, pro endo, endo safe.

Do you think a system could awaken at any age? Do you think it’s possible for someone who’s been going through life dissociated but not…”shifted out” to one day suddenly develop an alter? What does it mean to have an alter “awaken”?
– 🍉💌

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It’s our personal belief, and the belief of many on the greater plural community, that plurality can manifest, awaken, or be discovered at any age.

Clinical purists of the “model of structural dissociation” often dispute this, but they aren’t even getting their own clinical arguments right.

We use the term “awaken” for our own system members because we believe that we have a broadly fixed system and all of us have always been here, but dormant.

Other plurals use the terms “manifest”, “appear”, “be created” etc to describe new members coming into their systems.

We don’t use the terms “alter” for ourselves as that is specifically clinical DID language.

Please feel free to ask follow up questions.

–🔬🐝

Please let me know if this is an invasive or rude question to ask but are you professionally diagnosed (not sure if that is the correct term to use so I apologize) as a system? If so, how would one go about getting that professionally diagnosed?

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Hi anon! This question isn’t rude, though it is a little invasive. We don’t mind though, and are happy to answer you.

Due to our specific experience of child abuse, followed by our experience of poverty through you adulthood in the US healthcare framework, we do not have any formal medical diagnoses of any kind.

While a formal diagnosis and therapy relating to our plurality might have been very useful to us when we were younger, at this stage of our lives our system has stabilized.

We have been living as plural for around 20 years now, and for the most part we now function in harmony. We are not seeking therapy or medication to address our plurality specifically, and we certainly aren’t pursuing integration.

Our plurality is informed by our trauma, but we consider ourselves spiritually originating as a system. It’s our belief that we are a cadre of souls bonded together through the cycle of reincarnation, who happen to be sharing a body on this particular life cycle. Our partner system, to whom we are married, feels similarly.

If you feel that you need therapy or medication to address your plurality specifically, then the first step would be to speak to a therapist about your thoughts and intentions.

We generally are of the consensus that a formal diagnosis is only useful in cases where you are actively looking for treatment.

There’s no need to have a diagnosis just to prove yourself to others, and due to the legal framework of the US and other governments there are many situations where a formal diagnosis can be actively harmful to you and your freedom.

Please delete this if you don’t feel comfy answering Do all of your alters share the same opinions about shipping as the main ones who run this blog?

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Hi anon! Thanks for the question!

♦️ First off (and we will probably add this to our bio) “alter” is a strictly clinical term that applies specifically to members of a DID system or other plural system under a clinical model.

You haven’t done anything wrong, but we want to make it clear that this isn’t terminology that we use for our system members, as it does not apply to us, and makes many of us uncomfortable to have used to describe us for reasons I won’t go into here.

When you don’t know what language a plural system uses to describe the people in their system “system members” is always a safe bet!

♦️ As for your actual question; there aren’t any members of our system who would specifically fall on the ‘anti’ side of things, but there are a lot of us who just don’t care, think it’s a stupid thing to waste energy arguing about, etc.

There are a number of our members who are squicked by the same kinds of things that typically upset fancops, but they are capable of exercising “don’t like, don’t read”.

For the record, there are ~25 members of Sinister, most of whom front in the body fairly regularly, but a lot of us have no interest in blogging/fanfiction/discourse outside of occasionally talking about their day or reblogging picture of themselves.

The handful of us you see posting regularly are the ones who are interested in those things for the most part.

Your blog has made me sit and wonder if maybe the odd connections I’ve felt to specific characters were really just the Autism or maybe if they were some kind of other connection. I ache for them. I ache to be near them, to touch them, to see and feel and hear them as they are, beautiful and ugly and kind and cruel. Some I see myself in; others I see like old, ancient friends from times past. I’m also learning to engage with potential headmates. I’ve heard things, sometimes, when I lay down to sleep. Nothing big, but…it’s something, right? And there’s the time, a few months ago, when I heard someone say “Psst – I’m still here”. I got so excited about that…I should have been scared, but I kept hoping I’d hear her again.I never did, though…that’s depressing.
– 🍉💌

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It sounds like you’re on a journey of self discovery, and we are here for you!

Here are some resources that might help you sort things out.

our post from the other day about contacting headmates.

fictionkin.org: a resource for helping people understand fictionkin

from-fiction: tumblr related to fictionkin, fictives and general fictional alterhumanity

soulblonder: a sadly pretty dead blog dedicated to soulbonding

so i’m a little apprehensive to say anything about this, because i feel like i’m just appropriating real trauma and real problems, but a couple of years back i had a friend group that gave me the space to like, try functioning as a system (i really can’t think of the proper term for this, apologies), and it really did something for me. it’s hard to figure out the proper words for things, but it sort of did feel like i was shifting alters and actually acknowledging that and communicating with them was really helpful for me, and it was the most mentally healthy that i’ve felt in a really long time. but i stopped doing it once i left that friend group because they then told me i was faking it (none of those friends were systems, none even had any knowledge on mental health beyond adhd tiktok and the like). i genuinely feel a lot of guilt and shame saying this though, because i have a lot of friends who are plural/systems and i feel like i’m doing things that i shouldn’t, that aren’t for me. this was mostly a ramble bc this is really hard for me to talk about but i just wanted you to know that your posts about plurality and talking to people who are new to understanding their systems and everything regarding it are extremely comforting to read even as someone who has no idea if they are plural or not. thank you for your time <3

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Anon, I am so sorry that your former friends abused your trust, isolated, exiled, and fakeclaimed you. You did not do anything to deserve that treatment.

I hope you will listen to me when I say this to you.

If living and functioning as a system is constructive and helpful for you, then you are a valid system if you believe you are. You are plural if you believe you are plural.

There is no objective metric for plurality.

Medical diagnoses do not have, or even claim to have, a monopoly on all the plurality that exists, despite some discourse that claims otherwise.

No one outside of your head can tell for sure if you are really plural or not.

Being plural is at its core an entirely internal experience, like emotions or thoughts.

No one outside of your brain can objectively evaluate whether your body contains one person or many people in it.

There is no objective metric for plurality.

If functioning as a plural is what is comfortable for you, then you are plural.

And you are welcome in the plural community. You are not appropriating anything. You belong here.

Wait do you guys have an inner world? What’s it like?
– 🍉💌

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We do have one. Parts of it are fairly amorphous but there are large parts that are consistently structured.

The ‘front’ is a separate area from the full inner world in back. The front is a large, circular room with a couch, standing lamp, round area rug, and a small table. The edges of the room trail off into darkness.

When people are co-fronting they’re on the couch, or, if we’re especially blendy, crowded around it.

As for our full inner world in back, mostly we prefer to keep it private.

Do you have any advice/resources on how to contact a potential headmate? I feel like I might have a system but I can’t seem to reach or “talk to” any of the members or find an inner world or anything.

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Your best bet is to just keep trying to initiate contact and conversation, even if you don’t feel like you’re getting a response.

  • When you’re picking something to eat, ask for someone else’s input.
  • When you’re watching something, ask what they think.
  • Grab a pad of paper and write down questions, then write an answer ‘as’ your system member/let your system member answer. See if it feels right.
  • Do the same but via discord. Create a separate pluralkit tag for them and try to talk back and forth. See if it feels like someone else or if it just feels like you.
  • Just keep poking whenever you think of it. Ask their opinion on things that happen and choices you make during the day.
  • Be aware that not all system communication is verbal or seems verbal. Especially in the early days it can be feelings, nonverbal thoughts, internal body language, etc.

If any of our plural followers have any more advice please chime in.

I wanted to ask, since you guys are the only system/fictionkin blog I know about.Warning here, this one’s…really long. I’m up way past my bedtime and I’m feeling weird.Would you say that feeling like you’ve “popped” into existence is a system/fictionkin thing? Or feeling there are just…supposed to be people there. You know somewhere deep down your mind is not supposed to be this quiet, but no matter what you never feel more than a vague “My name is no longer my name, this body isn’t mine, these morals are not my own”.It’s all so exhausting and confusing and lately I’ve been having the same kinds of feelings I used to when I was a kid, back before someone shamed me for using “imaginary friends” to cope with my emotions and the way I tried to process them.I had…characters, I guess? These people I would imagine. They always felt kinda…real? Kinda like if I got into my mind somehow, they’d…be there. But one was different. One was…dangerous. and she didn’t even exist until before that person shamed me.I named her Queen. She was a young woman, maybe even a teen, but she was…mean. She was nasty. I don’t even call her a character or a bad reaction because it was like pressing a panic button and watching somebody else do…things. I won’t…get into it here, but she was mean to my friends. To the people I cared about. She’d pick a fight with whoever was triggering my panic attacks, and play by really weird rules, using anything she could to bully them. I didn’t lose consciousness, but I didn’t feel…in control?As I got older, I learned to cope with those episodes (mostly) and turned my responses inwards (“How could you do this to me” became “What did I do to deserve this?”, etc), which left me depressed instead of scared and angry. Maybe that’s why, her “emotional trigger” stopped existing. It still feels like she’s trying to inch up on me when I do get upset, though…I’m kind of scared.I’m sorry this got so long. It’s like…2:30 in the morning and I’m alone in the dark and I feel so weirdly…not alone, but silent. Like there’s something wrong. I’m not supposed to be alone, if that makes sense? It feels like I’ve lost something.
– 🍉💌

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Hi anon! Thank you for sharing all this with us, it sounds like you have a lot on your mind and are going through a tough time.

It also sounds like you should definitely look further into plurality– I wouldn’t be surprised if you were experiencing, or had experienced a form of it.

A lot of the time switching doesn’t feel like you’re ‘not there’ but more like someone else is there and the one doing things.

Dangerous system members sadly ARE sometimes a thing, whether your plurality is from DID, psychologically endogenic, soulbonding, or some form of spirit mediumship. I don’t say that to scare you but it is sometimes something that plural people struggle with.

Discovering more about your plurality might be a good way to learn to exert more influence on what you feel like is a hostile force– often the key is communication!

As for feeling like you “popped into existence” there’s an experience some of our friends have had that you might want to look into called being a “walk in”, which basically means you popped into the body after someone else left.

Please feel free to ask more questions if you have them, and I really hope this helped!

–🎀💖