Tag Archives: system advice

Do you have any advice/resources on how to contact a potential headmate? I feel like I might have a system but I can’t seem to reach or “talk to” any of the members or find an inner world or anything.

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Your best bet is to just keep trying to initiate contact and conversation, even if you don’t feel like you’re getting a response.

  • When you’re picking something to eat, ask for someone else’s input.
  • When you’re watching something, ask what they think.
  • Grab a pad of paper and write down questions, then write an answer ‘as’ your system member/let your system member answer. See if it feels right.
  • Do the same but via discord. Create a separate pluralkit tag for them and try to talk back and forth. See if it feels like someone else or if it just feels like you.
  • Just keep poking whenever you think of it. Ask their opinion on things that happen and choices you make during the day.
  • Be aware that not all system communication is verbal or seems verbal. Especially in the early days it can be feelings, nonverbal thoughts, internal body language, etc.

If any of our plural followers have any more advice please chime in.

Oh gods, I never considered the fact that there might be a reason I don’t remember any trauma (I have definite gaps in my memories as a child, but never really connected the dots, wow-). /gen But the other points you make do make sense to me, I understand what you mean. I guess a better way to explain the experience is definitely “not feeling in control” sometimes; sometimes I’ll do something on what I can only describe is “total autopilot” ?? Like my brain does it automatically, but I don’t (1)

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really… process it, I guess? Or like I don’t see it happening, if that makes sense? I’m vaguely aware that it did, but just… wasn’t a part of it, I guess? Or, sometimes I find myself questioning if I actually did something but I don’t know if that’s an ADHD thing or… something else. I don’t really have the vocab to explain really how it works, but it’s def a feeling of “someone else did this,” if that makes sense? Sorry to bombard, don’t really have anywhere else to turn for this. (2)

To me that “autopilot” sensation sound a lot like how I might describe dissociation of some kind. Some terms you might want to look into are depersonalization and derealization.

It definitely sounds to me like you have something going on, but I can’t diagnose you either psychotically or spiritually.

If I were you I would definitely try to do some reading of other people’s experiences and see if you feel like any of it matches up with yours.

@sophieinwonderland is a pretty good table blog that deals with both endogenic and traumatic plurality; while not everyone agrees with them (and I don’t agree with everything they say either) they’re very good about providing sources and resources and I think that could be a good place for you to start.

Another, very old, plural community resource is astrea’s web– I find their glossary of terms very helpful even now.

Again, please don’t be shy about sending us asks, if you have any other thoughts or read something you’d like to ask us about.

Idk if you guys are open to receiving asks about this, but for a long while I’ve been wondering if I’m part of a system. I feel like I am. Like my body isn’t really wholly “mine,” if that makes sense ? But from what I can remember, I don’t have any trauma that might cause it ? And I know you guys are okay with endos, but I dunno… It’s a lot. I’m not really sure how to process all the coincidences and lowkey, I’m kinda scared about it. /gen

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Hey, pal.

Trauma isn’t the only thing that can cause a system to form. There are many other reasons, both psychological and otherwise.

But also, you should know that when a system does form from trauma, it is often forms for the express purpose of covering up that trauma and making it inaccessible to memory. So while you are probably correct that you don’t have trauma that caused a system it is theoretically possible that you do.

But here’s the thing, trauma isn’t what you should focus on here. Whether or not you have trauma is irrelevant to figuring out whether or not you’re part of a system.

And if you feel like you are, and if you feel like your body is not wholly your own, there is almost certainly something out of the ordinary going on, whether it’s psychological or spiritual, being part of a system, or something else.

Feeling like you’re not always in control of your body or your life can be a scary feeling. But finding out why that’s happening– and if you are part of a system, learning to communicate within that system– is the first step to making it a lot less scary.

We are happy to help you any way we can with questions, if you do have more for us.