really… process it, I guess? Or like I don’t see it happening, if that makes sense? I’m vaguely aware that it did, but just… wasn’t a part of it, I guess? Or, sometimes I find myself questioning if I actually did something but I don’t know if that’s an ADHD thing or… something else. I don’t really have the vocab to explain really how it works, but it’s def a feeling of “someone else did this,” if that makes sense? Sorry to bombard, don’t really have anywhere else to turn for this. (2)

To me that “autopilot” sensation sound a lot like how I might describe dissociation of some kind. Some terms you might want to look into are depersonalization and derealization.

It definitely sounds to me like you have something going on, but I can’t diagnose you either psychotically or spiritually.

If I were you I would definitely try to do some reading of other people’s experiences and see if you feel like any of it matches up with yours.

@sophieinwonderland is a pretty good table blog that deals with both endogenic and traumatic plurality; while not everyone agrees with them (and I don’t agree with everything they say either) they’re very good about providing sources and resources and I think that could be a good place for you to start.

Another, very old, plural community resource is astrea’s web– I find their glossary of terms very helpful even now.

Again, please don’t be shy about sending us asks, if you have any other thoughts or read something you’d like to ask us about.

Hey, pal.

Trauma isn’t the only thing that can cause a system to form. There are many other reasons, both psychological and otherwise.

But also, you should know that when a system does form from trauma, it is often forms for the express purpose of covering up that trauma and making it inaccessible to memory. So while you are probably correct that you don’t have trauma that caused a system it is theoretically possible that you do.

But here’s the thing, trauma isn’t what you should focus on here. Whether or not you have trauma is irrelevant to figuring out whether or not you’re part of a system.

And if you feel like you are, and if you feel like your body is not wholly your own, there is almost certainly something out of the ordinary going on, whether it’s psychological or spiritual, being part of a system, or something else.

Feeling like you’re not always in control of your body or your life can be a scary feeling. But finding out why that’s happening– and if you are part of a system, learning to communicate within that system– is the first step to making it a lot less scary.

We are happy to help you any way we can with questions, if you do have more for us.