alcorian:

its exhausting, worrying about antis 

and i dont mean “worrying they’ll attack me”, though that is a fear, always

i mean, the way they live is so unhealthy, i really really worry for antis (especially the kids) and it drives me crazy that i cant do anything to stop this movement from sucking up more vulnerable kids (often minorities too!)

when i was a kid, i had a sort of “anti phase” and while i didnt care what others did, i tried to stop myself from creating or consuming any problematic or dark media because i thought it would make me a bad person and was told that engaging with the fiction that i liked (which helped me cope in the direct aftermath of being abused) was wrong. it seriously fucked me up. during that time, i hurt myself, a lot. im thankfully healing nicely from my self-harm, but i still get cravings and suspect i always will. that time in my life left permanent marks, not just in the scars on my arms but in the immense shame complex i have, which my therapist has pointed out frequently. 

it might feel like you’re doing the right thing at the time, but i promise, heavily policing your own thoughts and artistic expression will only harm you. it’s not a healthy way to live at all.